The Hardest Substance Known To Man

Right, you lot. If you’ve read my blog from day one, then you’ll know that I’ve covered a lot of the subjects of the many titles I gave myself. One thing I haven’t really talked about is science, and that’s what I do the most of, as it’s my day job. Therefore this post is dedicated to science. If it’s well received, I’ll post a few more.
 
You’ll probably not be surprised to find out that I don’t really do the clever science, with maths and facts and stuff like that, but what I’m good at is the…erm…let’s just see how we get on, OK? As a man, and a bloody bloke at that, the word “hard” is cool, not to mention amusing when used in inappropriate places. If there’s anything that needs researching, then it’s hard stuff. We want to know the important stuff such as: How many arms can Steven Seagal break in a minute?

I love that.

Unfortunately, I’ve found it really difficult to get funding for my proposals, so the questions in my head may never be answered, which I personally believe is a tragedy. Something cool that has been researched is the hardest materials known to man. We all know this one though, don’t we?
 
So what’s the hardest material?
 
All together now…
 
ADAMANTIUM! Adamantium was invented by the American metallurgist Dr. Myron MacLain in an attempt to recreate his prior discovery, the properties of Captain America’s shield. Sorry guys, but Adamantium ain’t real. Wolverine’s claws may be coated with the glistening metal, but it doesn’t actually exist. Comics are so much better than real life.

OK, attempt two…
 
All together now…
 
DIAMOND! No, actually. Diamonds were knocked off the top spot a little while ago. The hardest material, outside of Chuck Norris’s y-fronts is a natural occurring mineral called Lonsdaleite. Lonsdaleite is one of the reasons that scientists suck. They named the hardest substance known to man after the scientist who discovered the structure of benzene, Kathleen Lonsdale. It should be called Schwarzeneggium, and a nugget of the stuff should be known as Superman’s Nut. Ah well, if we were all the same, life would be boring, wouldn’t it…unless we were all Fred Barron, the man who created the utterly hilarious sit-com, My Family, as then things would be unbelievably hilarious, all of the time. If you didn’t see the sarcasm there, then I hate you.
 
Lonsdaleite is made of the same material as diamond, carbon, but it’s arranged into a hexagonal lattice, instead of a tetrahedral lattice, like diamond. That might not mean much to you, but this will: it’s 58% stronger.

If you want to make a dent in diamond you are going to have to apply a pressure of 98,000,000,000 Pascals on it. That’s the equivalent of 14,213,698 pounds per square inch. Is that a lot? Let’s put it this way, a Great White Shark’s bite was estimated by a gnathodynamometer (an instrument for measuring the force exerted in closing the mouth) at 930 pounds per square inch. So, yeah, it’s a lot. This means that if you took the Megalodon, the biggest prehistoric shark ever to grace the Earth,

nicked his parking space in Tesco’s and rubbed a little bit of English Mustard on his bumhole, he still wouldn’t be angry enough to make a mark on a diamond. Londsaleite would need a force 58 % greater to dent it.

Not satisfied with being the hardest rock on the planet, Londsaleite also has the coolest birth. It is formed when meteorites containing graphite hit the Earth. The immense heat and pressure of the impact is sufficient to turn the graphite into diamond, but it maintains the hexagonal crystal lattice of graphite and that’s what makes it Schwarzweneggium, I mean Londsaleite.
 
Only microscopic amounts of the material have been discovered in nature, as we don’t get too many sizable meteorite strikes, thank God. Scientists have synthesised some in the lab, but they’ve not managed to synthesise a quantity which would make its use practical. Also, for this rock-hard…err…rock to be used in applications such as drilling and the like, it needs to be thermally stable as well as compressible, and scientists haven’t got all the answers yet…they will have soon. At least some scientists are clever.