Heroes come in all shapes and sizes, but they all have one thing in common. When darkness descends and insurmountable odds overwhelm, heroes rise up, selflessly putting their lives on the line, to protect those in need. Sid Tillsley is more inclined to be legless rather than selfless. Whether he’s a hero at all is debatable as he’s making a packet from knocking out vampires and he’s only really doing it because his mate, Brian, told him that he’ll probably get a shag out of it, as the lasses of Middlesbrough will be dead impressed he’s stopped claiming benefits.
But all is not good in Sid’s world. The psychotic vampire, Gunnar Ivansey has declared war on mankind and Sid is his number one enemy. In all fairness, it’s hard to blame him as Sid punched him in the bollocks so hard he caused irreversible and rather…unpleasant damage.
Still, Sid’s taking it all in his stride, but he has no idea what lurks in the shadows, or, rather, the closet. A Northern Englishman will punch anything in the face, but there is one thing he fears above all else: homosexuality! And the Campire draws near.
Sid’s had enough of vampires and wants life to go back to normal, as do his mates who are discovering that they too share some rather unusual attributes when it comes to interacting with bloodsuckers. Reece Chambers, Sid’s annoying (but loaded) mentor is desperate to piece together what it is that gives these drunken men from Middlesbrough such remarkable powers.
However, there is one thing that has affected Sid more than any other, and it’s not that he’s given up dogging to try internet dating. What’s really getting to Sid is that the vampire council bastards have fought back with despicable, heinous underhand tactics: they’ve shut his local boozer…and that means war.
A Fistful of Rubbers will be available from November 15th 2010 as a paperback and also as an ebook.
