“No Air Guitar Allowed” is the hilarious book, by Steve Weinberger. “No Air Guitar Allowed” takes you through your average rock concert and pokes fun at all of us, in a side-splitting way. I had a chance to chat with Steve, enjoy!
MJ: Hey Steve, great to have you here. Why don’t you tell us a bit about yourself?
SW: I am a wannabe musician who used to sing into my hairbrush to Bon Scott whilst jumping up and down on my bed as a teenager. To be honest, not much has changed! I am 42-years-old and still go to loads of rock concerts! I live in San Diego. I went to College at San Diego State University and received my bachelors. I have a Masters in special education and my day gig is working with adults and kids with disabilities. We actually take a lot of our clients to shows. Some of our clients have Down syndrome, Fragile X Syndrome, Autism…it is great to see how much they love the live concert experience. I have a 3 year old daughter (who has seen over 10 concerts and her first being the Blue Oyster Cult) and a great wife.
MJ: What compelled you to write “No Air Guitar Allowed,” and can you give a quick synopsis of the book?
SW: I have been going to concerts since I saw KISS in 1977, my first concert. Since then, I have been to over a thousand shows good and bad. So I became a great observer of people at these concerts. I always thought that I would write a book based on just the fans because it has never really been done before. I was at the House of Blues in San Diego, a real popular venue in America, seeing Ted Nugent a few years back, and I saw five 55 to 60 year old guys in full work attire, drunk out of their minds playing the worst air guitar simultaneously, and I said to myself, “this is it.” This is the biggest concert faux pas there is. That is how I came up with the title! The book itself is full of so many cool illustrations of the characters we run into at pretty much every show. It is an original subject but at the same time very widespread. It is all about the fan craziness and comedy that goes on at every type of rock concert. From the moment you pull into the parking lot and buy a T-shirt from the “Unauthorized T shirt Guy”, to being made to hi-five the “Urinal Hi Fivers.”
MJ: A “Urinal high fiver”? What is one of those? I got a “low-fiver” at a urinal, once, but that is a different story altogether, which I don’t intend to share.
SW: A “Urinal Hi-Fiver is a guy who is vibing on the brotherly love feeling going on at a concert and decides to seek a hi five from you, right at the urinal when you are doing your business while using his other hand to hold his “Johnson.”
MJ: Really? That’s disgusting. Ever end up covered in piss?
SW: Piss-Oh Yeah, always covered in piss! Either from the floating Jack Daniels empty bottle spraying back at me in the urinal or the hi-fiver pissing on my leg!
MJ: That sounds awful!
SW: It is. And then there are the “Chatty Cathies.”
MJ: “Chatty Cathies?”
SW: In America, “Chatty Cathie” is a term describing a group of women who come to a show and just talk the whole time, the show is secondary, while ruining the concert experience for all the neighbors around them. There was a “Chatty Cathy” doll released in the 1970s, in the US, where you would pull the string and it would randomly talk.
MJ: We have them in Britain, we call them women. OK, let’s get to the Air Guitar. I am English, white and very uncool, therefore air guitar is in my blood. Do you love us or loathe us?
SW: Thats easy! I love you! It is pure entertainment. Look, I am the leader of the 12 step program. I have broken every concert foul in the book. I am one of you! To this day I still break some of the rules!
MJ: “What’s the 12-step program, Steve?”
SW: The 12 step program here is Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. There is a 12 step progress to teaching the methods to stop drinking. Not sure if you have that over there?
MJ: Alcoholism, binge drinking and underage pregnancies are not problems here in the UK.
SW: There is a process one goes through when going through the 12 step program to recovery. Each step having to be climbed to get to the next one before graduating from the program and not having to attend meetings any more. Out here, it is understood when I use the joke because I have made so many mistakes while attending concerts (singing out loud, buying from the unauthorized tshirt guy, requesting the band to play a song, hi fiving at the urinal, playing air guitar at a show) the joke is that I am one of you. I am not ABOVE you as a fan. I have made the mistakes and I am in recovery myself.
MJ: So are you trying to help us middle-class white boys from making fools of ourselves? Can this book stop us from being twats?
SW: No, there really is no rules at a concert. It is not like you can tell the usher to tell a person to stop singing horribly in your ear. The book just goofs on all the craziness we produce as fans at rock concerts. When the beer is flowing in that kind of environment, anything goes really!
MJ: I have quite long arms, which means that my air axe is usually strummed at groin level, which looks as if I am pulling one off. I realise that this is a faux pas, especially when I was at a wedding and inadvertently played my instrument at the bride’s grandmother. Is this the worst crime I can commit with my air weapon of choice, and if not, what the hell is?
SW: Air drums could possibly be worse! It really depends on how bad looking the grandmother looks as well! I have seen some hot looking grandmothers!
MJ: Not in England, you haven’t! Where do you go for hot grandmothers?
SW: We have a term here called “Cougars.” These are usually recently divorced women looking for younger men! We have a lot of women out here that are on the loose, especially in Southern California where implants are now given automatically when a women hits 45!
MJ: That sounds brilliant! They just get fat, here in the UK.
SW: Here is the thing, at a rock concert, you should do the opposite of whatever you think you should do! For example, if you think you should sing at the top of your lungs when no one else is, do the opposite. If you think it is cool to start making out at the show (make-out couple), don’t! If you think it is OK to be over 40 and hit on a 20 year old, take a step back.
MJ: Whoa, fella! A lot of my fans are over 40! Is that really a no no? Don’t college chicks love the older man? In all the films I have on my computer, they do. They really do.
SW: Yeah, but that’s in the movies though. You want to go to a show and be the cool old guy, not the “Creepy Old Guy”. Now, if you are the “Just divorced Guy” and you show up somehow with the 20 year old, that is a good thing. Otherwise, I would just keep your yang in your pants and enjoy the show!
MJ: If you could give me one piece of advice when attending a rock concert, just one, what would it be?
SW: The thing about concerts is we remember them forever except if we are the “completely wasted guy”! You do not want to be the guy remembered for ruining the concert for other people. So my advice is, go to the show, hang out with your friends, and have a good time. Pretty simple advice. I cannot tell you how many shows I have been to that have been a ruined memory for me because of other people acting like “twats.”
MJ: Where can we find out more about you and your book, and where can we get hold of “No Air Guitar Allowed?”
SW: The book is available at amazon.com or directly through my website at http://www.noairguitarallowed.com
If you have any questions for Steve, I am sure he’d take time out to answer them for you. If you have any stories about rock concerts, this side of the pond, it would be great to hear them. Oh, and if you live in the UK, and happen to be a hot grandmother, please post a picture for evidence.
Hey Mark!
Steve, great interview. Funny as hell too. I’m going to have to check out your book, it sounds like a good read. Last concert I went to was Pink Floyd at Manchester, England circa 19something-or-other. Not saying I’m old but my hair’s about 2ft shorter now and my prostate’s three times bigger
What’s the furthest you’ve travelled to get to a concert?
At a concert, I really hate the ones who simply won’t sit! They are invariably in the center of the row, then they are up and down, in and out, throughout the concert. First it’s the series of trips to go get the beer, followed by another series to leave it behind. Next are the ones who decide to stand up and dance. They always seem to be in front of me. Another fun group are the ones who bring small children to a concert. They sit for ten minutes, then they get restless and the “Iwanna’s” start. That begins another series of trips in and out, again climbing over everyone else to get to the end of the row.
Steve is having trouble with logging on to the comments, so I am posting his answers:
To Jim: I actually went all the way to the Edinburgh castle, Scotland New Years Eve, freezing outside, to see Moby with my Scottish girlfriend at the time. A couple of drunk guys there heard my american accent and said, “where are you from mate and what the hell are you doing here freezing your johns off”.
To Randall: I hear your pain Randall. That is why I get seats on the aisle. You see, I am 42 years old and a frequent pisser. I actually do a beer to bathroom ratio in the book. Once you piss once, the seal is broken! You will be on line at the mens room all night. It is worse when it is a outside festival port a potty. You never know what you are getting into when you walk into a port a potty. I hold my nose, run in, and hope for the best.
Just realised that I could have written anything there…
Steve: “I have funded most of my research using Nazi gold.”
Ahh Scotland on a New Year’s Eve. I know it all too well, since I live there lol. That’s a long way to go for an event, Steve. Mind you, with a Texan wife, I’m over in the USA every year at some point!
Chatties and ‘scene kids’ need to be mutilated at concerts. Go for the f**king music, the experience, the moshing, to throw bottles of piss at my chemical romance etc..
If you want to pose, want to discuss x factor and eastenders, go to the bus stop.
OK, that’s my old man rant over.
I’ve been to more gigs than I can remember in my aged years, and no matter how many times I go, there is NOTHING beats an old chick getting her baps out… especially if they are tattooed.. with ‘mild & bitter’ or ‘his and hers’. The terror and repulsion that i’ve seen when someone is crammed like a sardine within inches of said baps, with no means of escape, it’s like that wile coyote moment.
Awesome
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